Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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