Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
try to milk me bitch
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
