White coat. Heels.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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