Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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