i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
