So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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