Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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