giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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