it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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