Girls should come with a carfax report
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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