it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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