Slut skills are useful in every country.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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