Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
