so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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