I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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