I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There's always time for handjobs
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
