I think i sorta joined a cult last night
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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