I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
