i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
