I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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