Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
