all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
