you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize