Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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