we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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