LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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