If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
