Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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