Nicole vs. Life
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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