Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
