A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
