garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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