I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
