i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
