I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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