the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
