Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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