i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
