I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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