You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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