it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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