its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You made out with two different species that night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
