I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize