Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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