I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
