I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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