Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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