u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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