we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
