is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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