I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
