We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
