We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
