STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
