I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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