You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
