just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
