Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
