Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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