if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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