I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
