never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
