hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
