I'm passing your future prison.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
