nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
