apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
